Silika; "Dead Trees and Red Smiles"

Day 4 at the Lilith Plantation. 2am. The rocks are getting heavy, wrappddddddddddd in black foil. absinthe-soaked syringes burn my veins with aniseeeeeeed and wormwood. Salvia numbs it until th next rockckck hits the frame [] zero = [] zero is [ ] void is [ ] feel that void [ ] that is fuckinn numb.

We sit huddled around the campfire at Syberium's rusted palace. A seethru but slim and red-tinted figure floats through the dark woodlands surroundin us. It/he has no head, but its smile is wide. It sits near us, its faded shape illuminated faintly by the campfire. It is humanoid, but it is madness incarnnnnate. It sees us and knows our future. and it is so sorry for us - yet it laughs. I feel sick - my baby feels sick. I picture vomit floating around the inside of my womb, sticking to my lonely baby's skin, the putrid soup smothering it, and I dry heave and lay to the ground, convulsing as Alikkk looks stoned and deaf at the stars and shapes in the sky. the sky.

Syberium holds my hand + I begin to breathe normally again. we retreat to the inside of his kabin, leaving the headless red man laughing still, his smile wider than the mooooon.

Fadin to sleep. to nothing. not calm. not nothin.
Bad REDDDD dreams in Sy's Kabin. hearing the trees clawing at the metal frame ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

corners hold threats in these dark dreams//// In slow motion I see myself trudge through a back alley. Its not night but the clouds are selfish and hide the sun under their red foggg. I NEED to see what is around that corner but I freeze. The shadows there - between the silos - have eyes. And they are looking at my breasts with a butcher's lust. [\fuck/]


Something is eating me from inside ''''''''''''''' a man in black ''''''''''''' death '''''' loss ''''' childrn '''''' bullies.... somethin///g eternel dwells here, among the rust-coloured puddles and rotting wires.


faint [Memories] of zero. knives, screaming\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\blood and silence.
colours. clouds. more blood. I dream this all + more. Did u kno that babies share mother's dreams? they are toooooooo young 2 dream themselves, so their mothers dream for them. for them bo''th. When a pregnnt woman dreams of fucking, the baby's sexual orientation is born. from that point. very point. so what happens when the mother dreams of erotic murder??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

I awake in strong painful sunlight and look at my wrists. I have sobered up, and my veins are their familiar baby blue. Not red. I feel cleaner yet suffer more. My body/bodies have hurt me. We must leave the Lilith Plantation, far from this smouldering circle of devil's ash- escape these abused woodlands befr_e they kill us with their eternal disapproval.

Syberium, Alik and I are sick together and leave this abandonded construction on foot, the 3 hour journey back becoming prob more like 6 hours, given our sickness + all.

We don't look back @ the trees.



We take the route near Swaffham Cageworks as the tree-lined path shields us from the burning light of the sun.

The red gauze fades from my eyes the further we get from the Lilith woods. We'd have died together if we stayd there 1111111 other night. I kno it. I just kno it.

We pass by abandond, half-waterlogged petrol stations + churned-up industrial parks on the way home, our envirOOOnment lookin/ like how we feel; mirroring our bruised psyches with PINpoint accuracy man.

'/'/' No-one can save us now. We entr Old Lynn's Migrant quarter @ 4pm and want 2 die. ''I'' want 2 die. But my baby wants 2 live, so I must continue 2 suck air with reluctanccccce.

Alik rests me on the bed + I cry tearlessly untl I fade into blackness. No dreams anymor please.

No red. No blood. No murdrr.

just familiar nothin.

Silika.